A few weeks ago, someone asked me “How can Light Workers protect themselves from people who are needy AF”. As I was about to go ninja on my keyboard when I realize this question has a few layers to it and needed some unpacking to really get into it.
It always happens that as soon as you start tapping into your Light Worker skills and start developing yourself in whatever way you see fit, those who are in need of healing or energy vampire start coming out like zombies smelling the noisy living. Slowly making their way into your daily life and feeding off your brains. You, just starting to blossom into a positive light being, feel compelled to help this person. The zombie feeds off your energy, your possessions, your time, your thoughts, the very air you breathe and the more you give them, the more they take and the more they want. They tell you all their problems, their thoughts, their issues, their grievances, their sob story, their fear, their worries, EVERY NEGATIVE THOUGHT that comes into their heads. You eventually become exhausted, tired, aggravated but still want to give them ONE MORE CHANCE because you KNOW they need you and you can help.
STOP THAT SH*T RIGHT NOW!!! STOP IT!
First and foremost, you have to realize that as your light shines brighter, those who are living in the dark (those who work mostly from a place of fear instead of love) are going to flock to you like a moth to a flame. From personal experiences, I have often attracted the energy vampires, the wrong type of guys, the friends who are there that just need you for something and do you know who I blame? MYSELF!!! It is my own dang fault! Why? Because I did not set up my own boundaries. I just didn’t. Could have been the years of trauma that lead to low self-esteem, the fleeting joy of being wanted or needed for a bit, I don’t know, but what I do know is that it left me feeling less than after the person was out of my life.
A BIG piece of advice for you, SET YOUR BOUNDARIES EARLY! Say them out loud or write them down if you need to. Frame them next to your bed if you have to, but SET YOUR BOUNDARIES. Make clear lines in the sand and stick to them.
When you set boundaries, it protects you and your mental state from those who are just waiting in line to have a piece of you. Your boundaries may be different from my own or the next person and that’s okay. As long as you have your limits and know when they have been breached.
To give you a little idea of what my boundaries are, they are as follows.
- It’s Okay to Say No: This was a big one for me because I am a self-declared people pleaser. In my head, I know that I don’t have to agree or say YES when asked something of me just so I can make the other person happy, but it would break me if I thought I was hurting this person’s feelings by saying “No”. Now, it’s my favorite works. In addition, if I do say “NO”, I don’t need to give an excuse or say sorry. For example PTA MOM: “Hey Michelle, can you run the Entertainment for the kids Holiday Party? Me: Unfortunately I won’t be able to. No. (And to be honest, I rather take a bullet to my knee cap but I digress). Was the PTA Mom happy with me? No, she was not, but I would have been even unhappier if I had to surround myself with the negative poop show that was already in tow.
- Don’t Ask for Space, Take it: Many times, these light zombies manipulate your time and have a necessity to be in your presence as much as humanly possible. They don’t care if you need to get things done, they’ll stand in your office, come to your house unannounced, call you at inconvenient times, keep you longer than necessary…WALK AWAY. Sometimes, no matter how polite you are, they will never get the hint (or at least don’t want to get the hint). There always comes a point where you hit critical-mass, either they are going to remove themselves from your space or you are going out jump out the nearest window and hope you survive the fall. TELL THEM! “Hey, I really need to get some work done (or whatever), I need this time, perhaps we can catch up at another time. Let me walk you to the door.” Or you can do what my husband does (The Master of Boundaries) and say “Alright, nice talking to you, you have to go now. GTFO” Super subtle, I know, but it works and he makes no apologies for it. Take ownership of your space and time. If you don’t want them at your house, don’t answer your door. Don’t want them in your office, tell them firmly to leave, it’s not a good time. Interrupt you at lunch, you have a lot on your mind and need some time alone. Get them out of your energetic space. Bye Felicia.
- Your Job is NOT to Make Them Feel Better: Take a deep breath on this one and really let it sink in. Unless you are a Dr., it’s not your job to help them figure their sh*t out. It really isn’t. Sure, your friend calls you at 2 am and is distraught, you help her out. Yes, your coworker is upset because he is having problems at home, you do you BUT when that person is CONSTANTLY tapping you for help, advice, or just wanting you to make them feel better…NO WAY JOSE! This drains you spiritually, emotionally and mentally. You cannot drain your cup to fill someone else’s. My mother has someone that calls her EVERY MORNING just to tell her about his problems. EVERY MORNING! It’s not even a two-way street where they each air out their grievances with the world, it’s just him, talking about everything concerning him. This leaves my mother drained and in a bad mood every morning. Why doesn’t she just not accept his call, because she “doesn’t want to hurt his feelings”. Instead, she asks me for crystals to protect her energy (Yes, I’ll give you a few at the end of this…promise) BUT, no amount of crystals are going to help her if she doesn’t help herself! HELP YOURSELF people. Nothing will change if you don’t HELP YOURSELF.
Alright, so this is a CRYSTAL Website, you want to know what crystals you can use to help this light zombie from continuing to feed on you. Here are some tips and crystals.
Smoky Quartz: This is the BEST stone, in my opinion, at helping ward off the zombies. It transmutes negative energy, not only from others but from yourself. It works best if you wear it. Keep a piece near your bed as well (I’ll talk about energetic cords in a bit and see why having this next to your bed is beneficial).
Amethyst: Amethyst offers psychic protection and you are going to need it when you are talking to a zombie. They are psychically attacking you even if they don’t know it. They attack the very core of who you are and the work you are trying to do.
Black Tourmaline: It’s a grounding stone and excellent to protect against energy vampires. Have it near you in your space or where you spend the most time. Also excellent for grounding and helping with anxiety, giving you the strength to just say NO to your local zombie.
Cutting Cords: When we come in contact with anyone, especially those who have a deep impact on us, we create sort of an energetic tie with them. Imagine an energetic string of sorts tying you to each other at your solar plexus. This cord will continue no matter the distance and sometimes (or a lot of times) you need to cut this cord. Even though you are not seeing this person physically, you are still “attached” to them. Many times dreaming of them (one of the reasons a crystal next to your bed can help) or you randomly start thinking about them and their issues throughout the day. So even though they are not in your space, they continue to use up your energy. Okay, how do you “cut” this string? Imagine the string or cord that connects you with this individual, with your pretend hand scissors (yes, pretend you are cutting paper with your two fingers at the center of your stomach), cut the string and say “I cut this cord that does not serve me nor my highest good. I wish them health, love, and happiness.”
There are many websites or gurus out there that promote doing a whole ritual with candles and name writing and all that good jazz, do what works for you. I find this to be a quick and effective way to cut those pesky cords. If you feel like you need to do it more than a few times, that’s okay too, there may be more strings connecting you two than you realize. For good measure, I do a good smudging of myself and my home with Palo Santo.
I do hope that the overall message you get from ALL THIS, is that you set up your boundaries and stick with them. Just because you are high vibing and a lightworker, you cannot rescue everyone, especially those who don’t want to rescue themselves. You will find that there are many who want to work on themselves and genuinely need a positive influence, and that’s okay, but once they start using you for light and positive energy where it becomes draining to you, CUT THEM OFF.
One of my favorite phrases to say is “My hospital is full”. I am currently not accepting new patients and their issues into my life. If I see a zombie coming, I’m running the other way. #sorrynotsorry
Love and Light to you and hope you have a blessed week.